Thursday, November 14, 2013

One year to the day...ehhhh?

How crazy that I just so happened to check on my blog and my LAST entry was one year to the date? So said that it's been that long. Also, it's crazy to see how much has changed since my last entry!

That job I switched to....I quit altogether 3 months later to take care of my mom. I cashed in the 401k and lived on that and student loans and my tax return for a while. It was nice to be off...while it lasted! Mom had her 2nd revision surgery. Got her through that, did it fix everything? HELL NO.

I started going to a LifeGroup through my church. It's cool...but the ladies there all have younger kids. I just wonder if I should start my own or what.

I have a new guy in my life. I am currently VERY irritated with him (which prompted this here blog entry, believe it or NOT!?) Why do men have to PUSH you? Why is it that the ones who are smart and give good advice tend to shove it down your throat at every turn? I am not a child....and if I WAS a child-I am not YOUR child so save your lectures!??? I don't need your advice and life lessons on everything from driving, to putting gas in my car, to parenting, to friendship, to being a daughter (ummm hello....I am pretty sure I have more experience in that department.) I must admit that I do like him, but I am afraid that (as usual) things will take a turn....kind of like they did tonight. He pushed that point. That point of getting cussed out...that point of a wounded animal coming out of the corner in attack mode because that is what I am use to. I am independent out of NECESSITY. I haven't had the option to be weak or let someone else handle things for me outside of my mother on occasion (not as of late obviously!)

So far, I have learned that I am "secretive", don't reveal enough, too independent, won't let people help me, "spoiled" (hahahahahahaha I wish I had the luxury)....but yet when I do try to open up...I get accused of wanting to still see my ex...????? If I wanted to see him I could see him, sleep with him, etc ANY time I wanted to....and he has even offered $ for dumb would it be for me to TELL you all these things with the intention of taking him up on the offers. That is just so blatantly IGNORANT!???????????? I feel that if you think I am that dumb of a woman, you best be on your way.

Seriously....I feel that I am just in a place in my life where I don't NEED the BS. If you want to debate everything with me, complain about everything but then turn around and tell me how amazing I am...maybe you need some medication for those mood swings? Multiple personality disorder? I don't know, but hell I take my meds-maybe you should do the same!??? Other than being a know it all, he is a good guy...;-) I'm just not sure how things will go with us on the long term. Time will tell. Hopefully, I will have a good update....maybe tonight is a bad night.....full moon..???

Speaking of meds, plain and simple I just want off the stupid things. I have gone from Celexa, to Lexapro (my fav minus the weight gain!-which I am still trying to lose), to Pristiq (back to Lexapro), to Cymbalta, and now to Vybrid. Lex is the best (FOR ME) mood wise, but good Lord, I can't gain any more weight. I lost 107 total, and am maintaining 83lbs lost. I would like to get to 120lbs lost which was my original goal. So that would put me at needing to lose 37lbs currently. Honestly, lately I have been wanting to low carb it. I go between that and paleo....So basically a low carb version of paleo...does that make sense? Real food...just no fruit until I hit my goals? I would like to at least lose 15 by the end of the year (that gives me a little over 7 weeks!) I think I could totally do it just by not drinking crap (sugar!)...I actually just realized I haven't had pop all week! No wonder I am cranky! Sad panda...

I started a new job, but I am trying to go back to the old job. Not THE old job...but the old employer. Better benefits by FAR!

Well, I will try to update more frequently! XOXO

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

In a funk....

I don't know what is going on w/me here lately...just in a funk. Obviously, my mom being in the hospital for the last 2 weeks isn't helping (but then again, it is because I feel like other people are with her all day and night-which I can't be.

Went and saw my docs PA last week and I found out I was low on Vit D (again!) and iron. No wonder I am tired. I have some mixed emotions about the advice I received. On one hand, I do feel like I learned a couple things about boosting my (non exsistant) metabolism. On the other hand, I was blown away when she told me to keep my carbs at 150!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? No way! She also told me that even 15 min of consistent exercise would help boost my metabolism. I do think that exercise is the only way to boost it at this point. I was also advised to continue Biolean (a supplement that is suppose to boost my metabolism as well, give me energy, and curb appetite) Yeah, I don't know. At first, I thought it helped but I don't think these folks understand me and that I am a-a recovering diet pill addict (Been on em all!) so therefore, I am desensitized to this "soft" stuff. B-That is WAY too damn many carbs for this chick. I am also frustrated with first I thought it was the, I am thinking its a waste of my time and $$$. I feel like I am on nothing except for the fact that I am exhausted (and now, I have added the VIT D and iron supplement). I just don't's hard to exercise when all you want to do when you get home from work (and visiting mom in the hospital and whatever my kids need-like basketball prac)-is collapse!!!I just feel like low carbing it is my only option or go get diet pills. I emailed the NP today to see what she suggests because I can't keep feeling blah and tired everyday! I was never "depressed" to begin with...I sought help with feeling like I had adult add and I was put on antidepressants. Go figure. Color me frustated with the whole thing. I just want to feel better, be able to focus, start enjoying life, and start losing weight again. Somebody help. *prays*

That is about all that is going on with me right now...pretty blah at the moment and looking forward to Thanksgiving (or maybe just being off work LOL)

Oh, speaking of work-I start a new position on 11/29. That, I am excited about. Working with a plastic surgeon who happens to do free work for his employees :-) not that that helped me decide about taking this position or anything LOL. Not only that but he is very pro-low carb and this job is less sendentary than the one I am now in. Maybe it will push me a little.

Talk laters babes. (Yes, a 50 shades reference lol)

Friday, October 19, 2012

Trucking along....

Last week, at the library-something caught my eye! The cd version of Gary Taubes "Why we get fat"....I tried (unsuccessfully) in the past to read Good Calories, Bad Calories. I have far too many attention issues to conquer before I will attempt that again! It's probably a great read if you are into that science stuff =)

I started listening to it yesterday and what an eye opener it has been so far! This is one thing that has stuck with me so far:

A restricted carbohydrate diet doesn't make you lose weight; it corrects your weight.

A restricted carbohydrate diet doesn't make you lose water weight, it corrects your water weight.

A restricted carbohydrate diet doesn't improve serum lips; it corrects serum lipids.

A restricted carbohydrate diet doesn't imporve health; it corrects unhealthiness.

That is awesome stuff right there in my book! It will also help me break this down to other people. I hope I keep picking up more and more knowledge as to why this is the answer for so many people! Not everyone, mind you. Some people are not carb sensitive...but for the rest of us-this is amazing info to arm yourself with. I feel empowered =) Yesterday, I was 189-this morning-186. I even ate well at a Chinese buffet! (There is a law somewhere that states that as soon as you start trying to avoid carbs/sugar/whatever that your friends will invite you to dinner!) I have to learn to eat the way my body responds best to. Sure I CAN eat whatever I want, but how does that make me feel? I think the missing link for me is learning about the science behind it all. I am amazed =) I feel that I can and will make my goal by the end of year. I have 27lbs to go...I can do this! The only exercise I plan on doing is walking and Zumba. The fact of the matter is that I don't really like working out...I am tired of feeling like a failure because of that. And with that...I will end with this:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

-Albert Einstein

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

My once a month post =)

Ok, so in regards to my last post with the 5 day pouch test...yeah, it didn't happen. I just don't wanna. What I did do, however, is go establish care with my mom's new doc. Love that guy!

He basically had me do a test to see what my resting metabolism is and yeah, it SUCKS!!!!!! =( It makes perfect sense to me that I lost easily after surgery because my RMR is 1300!!! And doc says in order for me to lose weight I need to eat like 900 cals per day. What the what!!!!!?????? Ugh.

He told me:

1. I need to find ways to boost my metablism aka exercise. Imagine that! He did also mention that I didn't need to do tons of exercise, just little stuff here and there helps. I'm sure that increasing my muscle mass would help.

2. He took me off the Lexapro and put me on Pristiq (known to help with weight loss instead of gain like Lexapro is known for! Angry face)

3. Gave me a supplement called Biolean that is suppose to help with metablism (I don't know if I buy this, but I will give it a try)

4. Told me to avoid liquid protein for problemo...sick of those shakes anyway! Stick with solid protein.

5. Ordered labs which I will hopefully get done this week

6. Return to his office in 4 weeks to check progress

7. Attend support group/possibly see his on site psych person. I am totally open to this.

So far, I am down 4lbs!!!! Yipppeeeeeee =) Didn't weigh this morning, but as of yesterday that was the outcome. I would love to be back in the 70's by the end of the month!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Back on track

Ok so I am not doing so hot with weight loss. To review...I had VSG on 12/29/10. I started out at lowest weight has been doc started me on Lexapro...and my weight has been going up ever since. While I do believe that the Lex has SOMETHING to do with it....I know that I have slid off the grid with my eating,water,and exercise. My weight is up..last I checked it was 189.5 :( I hung out at 179 it's up 10 more lbs. My weight loss goal was 159 (to be at a even 120). I have made several futile attempts at low carbing. It works for me, I feel so much better doing it...but for some reason I feel compuslively drawn to carbs. an addict drawn to alcohol, heroin,crack,whatever. I start out doing well...then for some odd reason...I run to the's stupid and it pisses me off. I haven't come this far to turn back now. I am tired of sabotaging myself....I want this! And I don't want my pants getting all tight (like they are now that it's getting cooler and I can't wear dresses as much!)

My plan of action:
5 DPT...(found at

Days One & Two: Liquid Protein
low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding. Read more.
Day 3: Soft Protein
canned fish (tuna or salmon) eggs, fresh soft fish (tilapia, sole, orange roughy. Read more.

Day 4: Firm Protein
ground meat (turkey, beef, chicken, lamb), shellfish, scallops, lobster, fresh salmon or halibut. Read more.
Day 5: Solid Protein
white meat poultry, beef steak, pork, lamb, wild game
Read more.

After day 5, I will check my weight and try to stick with the basics until I reach my original goal. The basics means:
Protein first
At least 60 grams of protein
One shake per day
30 carbs or less
Half my weight in water (95oz Good Lord!)
Exercise 30 min per day 5 days per week (cardio)
Weight training 2-3 days per week
No slider foods

I have to remember the habits that got me to almost 300lbs to begin with...why would I EVER want to go back to that life? Hating the way I look and feel, shopping in plus sizes, feeling insecure all the time, hoping pics turned out decent and half the time they didn't...I don't want that life. I want to feel GOOD about myself and my accomplishments....This is doable and well within my control.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


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Monday, September 10, 2012


Hi there's been a while (of course it has!)

Just going to update here...

School-still chugging along. Have a big project due tonight..hopefully will get it done. NO, I will get it done.

Work-nothing new here

Weight loss-haven't been weighing which is a problem for me. Out of sight, out of mind. Need to get focused. Not much time left in the year. I would love to reach goal by 12/29/12 (my 2 year surgiversary)

Mom-Alot has happened here. I got fed up with her surgeon (who also happened to be MY surgeon) and found a new one. He is ahhhhmazing. He put her in the hospital for the SOLE purpose of getting her health back on track. He hooked her up to amino acids,fatty acids. She looks SO much better. She did put a few lbs back on, but the reality is that her weight loss was not due to her bypass anyway. It was because she was puking up everything she ate due to the fistula. Basically, her small pouch was still connected to the remnant stomach. In essence, she had no bypass. Dr. G did a scope and placed endoscopic clips to try to heal that w/out doing another unnecessary surgery. I had to take her back to the hospital Wednesday because she was hurting for the first time in a long time. He admitted her and rescoped. Her opening has closed up about 75%. He placed another clip to try to get it to close the rest of the way! I love him!!! He thinks it will close up on its own since it is doing good so far. Best decision I have made was taking her out of Dr. N's care. I have talked to a few attorneys, but I just don't have time to devote to that at the moment. I did get her records, and well it was very interesting....She was very dishonest about a few things and I am not even going back to her for follow up. For now, mom is stable and doing well. I trust Dr. G will handle her care more thoroughly and he is VERY honest and real about things. I appreciate that over being lied to and being given a dumbed down version of my mothers condition. Sadly, I sent alot of business Dr. N's way....but my loud mouth works BOTH ways. She was my surgeon, and I had no problems....but I also had no complications. I was also only 30 years old with no major health problems. She is not qualified to do surgery on someone who has the possiblity of complications. Of course, that could be anyone. I will not refer ANYone else to her, in fact I told a coworker to run the other way. I understand FULLY that any surgery has possiblities of complications. I just do not feel like this woman handled MY mothers complications with any time of concern. She was ready to operate again (unnecessarily) on my mother despite her declining health condition. She seriously may not have made it off the operating table at that point. I am forever grateful to Dr. G for taking on her case and getting her back on track.

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